I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
