I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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