I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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