piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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