She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
