I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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