whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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