I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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