Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i was born a porn star she said
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
