But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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