Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
