Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
