Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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