so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
only you would photoshop your dick
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
