she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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