Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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