a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Please, let me fuck your mom
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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