awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
