I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
