I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
