I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
