so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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