yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
