some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
