question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
