This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
