you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
