Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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