lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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