You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
