im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
do herpes really smell.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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