So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
