Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
