i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
