Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
