PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
