Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
