When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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