I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
