just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
