What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
