nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
