Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
