Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
