is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
