She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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