I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
