I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
