dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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