There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
